CONNECTIONS: Self-Reflection for Educators: Wearing Your Air Mask
Today’s guest post comes via William D. Parker (@williamdp) author of Pause. Breathe. Flourish.: Living Your Best Life as an Educator, excerpted here:
I’m a frequent flyer. The more I fly, the harder I find it is to stay focused when flight attendants are reviewing safety procedures. They could be standing right in front of me with the safety cards in hand, but I’ve heard it so many times, I usually think about something else. On the other hand, I seem to pay more attention when the attendant says, “If the cabin loses air pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from above your seat. Place the oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting your child or other passengers.”
It’s always at this point, that I think about a hard conversation I had with my wife the second year I was in school administration. One night after the kids were in bed, my wife Missy asked if we could talk. I had just opened my laptop to read some work emails, so I slid it aside and said, “Sure. What’s up?”
“The kids and I have decided that you are a dad and husband on the weekends only.” She said this without any bitterness or resentment in her voice. Just simple resignation. Then she looked me in the eyes. “Will, I think you are a shell of the man you used to be.”
It was difficult to listen because her words so accurately described my state-of-life at the time. After eleven years as a classroom teacher, I had made the transition into the office as an assistant principal in a high school with 1,400 students. One of my goals was to be the kind of administrator I had admired and dreamed of having when I was a classroom teacher. I wanted to be the person who teachers and students could look to for answers, solutions, and support.
I woke up early every morning to check emails and plan out my day–hours before school began. I skipped lunches or ate quickly so that I could respond to emails or manage important situations. I supervised, observed, counseled, and evaluated. I attended after-school games and activities. And when I came home late each night, I’d fall asleep while trying to read bedtime stories to our four small children. When everyone was finally asleep, I’d stay up late to answer emails or plan for upcoming events or meetings.
In my new role in school leadership, I had stopped exercising. I had gained too much weight. Frankly, I was a shell of the man I had once been. Each day the pressure of serving students, teachers, and parents weighed on me so much that I didn’t think I could devote time to less important to-do’s like eating right, exercising, or spending more time with my family time or in reflection.
My Letter of Resignation
When my wife went to bed the night of our important talk, I opened my laptop. Instead of working on email, I made a decision. I wrote a letter of resignation. I explained all the reasons I would need to leave my position, how my priorities were no longer correct, and how I had neglected my family and personal health. I printed the letter, put it in a file folder and took it to my office the next morning.
When I sat down at my desk, I placed the folder on the corner where I could see it at all times. And I made a commitment: I’m either going to find a better way to serve my school while also caring for myself and my family, or I’m resigning and changing professions.
That day was a turning point for me. I didn’t discover a silver bullet. My pressures didn’t change either. Instead I found some longer-lasting solutions. I began taking small steps toward making time for my family, my mind, my personal budget, my spiritual growth, and my physical health.
Over the days and years ahead, I made commitments to leave school earlier so I could be home for dinner. I started running again and working on fitness. I started eating lunch with colleagues and laughing more. And as a result, I discovered something: When you take time to invest in areas of your life outside of work, you find more creativity, inspiration, and joy in serving others while at work. In fact, I found my ability to connect with others, find solutions, and reach goals increased as I took time to take care of myself first.
Self-Reflection for Educators
If you are leading a classroom, school, team, or organization, let me ask you an important question: When is the last time you reflected on the foundational values, beliefs, and motivations for why you are serving others? Just like those airline attendants tell us when we fly: you can’t help others if you’re not first taking care of yourself.
One of the best ways to practice putting on your own air-mask first is by giving yourself permission for self-reflection. Self-reflection allows you to focus on ideas and thoughts that you can turn into powerful actions that later become productive habits. And one powerful way to do that is by using images as a launching point, such as thinking about an air-mask to remind you about your need for self-care.
Self-Evaluation
When was the last time you had a reflective conversation about your own need for self-care? To get started, how would you answer these three questions as you reflect on your own current situation?
1. I find myself dedicating the majority of my work to areas that reflect my strengths and give me the greatest joy in work:
A. Strongly Agree
B. Agree
C. Sometimes
D. Disagree
E. Strongly Disagree
2. Because I invest in my own personal growth mentally, physically, spiritually, socially, and financially, I find fulfillment in my work much like I do in my life outside of work:
A. Strongly Agree
B. Agree
C. Sometimes
D. Disagree
E. Strongly Disagree
3. If money or compensation were no longer necessary, I’d still want to do the work I’m currently doing:
A. Strongly Agree
B. Agree
C. Sometimes
D. Disagree
E. Strongly Disagree
Let me encourage you to take inventory of your self-care. People you serve deserve an educator who is taking care of himself or herself. One way to do that is by considering your actions, applying the truths learned, and cultivating the most productive habits toward serving others. If you’re going to help others, you must learn to first put on your own air mask first. This includes investing in your own learning, body, influence, time, friendships, and legacy.
I wish I could say that I consistently practice all the important areas required for personal growth. The truth is that over the years, I have grown stronger in some areas while neglecting others. Sometimes my wife and I still have crucial conversations about where I need to reprioritize my time and energy. But as you take time to reflect, instead of neglect, areas of personal growth, you can continuously refocus any areas that need improvement. That’s why self-reflection is so important. If you want to keep growing in your capacity to influence and serve others, you need time for reflection, learning, and taking action toward your own personal growth. If your goal is to serve and influence others, you can’t ignore this important safety notice: In order to flourish, you need to learn to breathe first.
Thanks again to Will Parker for sharing these words of wisdom; we hope everyone heeds his advice, especially as we approach Thanksgiving, a time when we find ourselves reflecting on how thankful we are for your ongoing friendship and support!
Teach and Lead with Passion,
Jeff and Jimmy
DAILY INSPIRATION EDUCATOR
(Please let us know about an inspiring educator you think we should highlight in a future newsletter by completing this brief form!)
WHAT’S NEW?
Eyes On Culture: Multiply Excellence In Your School by Emily Paschall
In this new book, Emily Paschall supplies the recipe for success in today’s schools. School culture is the hidden curriculum that drives a school forward or backward, and when strong relationships and relentless passion are at its root, this is when excellence multiplies. This book is filled with a wide range of authentic stories and lessons, as well as tangible takeaways that will culturize your classroom, school, and community. Emily provides you with the necessary tools to not only live your own excellence, but to multiply excellence in others. In this book, you will learn:
How to use your lived experiences to help someone else
How to unlock the key to connecting with all kids, even those who seem unreachable
How to build partnerships with families so that they desire to work with you
How to make difficult conversations not so difficult
How to help every student, parent, and colleague achieve excellence
May the words in this book fill you with the joyful reminder of why you went into education in the first place—for KIDS! Check out more here
Pause. Breathe. Flourish: Living Your Best Life as an Educator by William D. Parker.
In this book, Parker explores the habits, practices, and mindset necessary for growth as both an educator and a person. This book is grounded in the belief that when you invest in better care of yourself, you can better serve and lead others. Applying those insights is the challenge. Each chapter begins with a mental image and unpacks specific areas for cultivating personal or professional growth. Chapters end with reflection questions to help you take immediate actions for thoughtful application and improved outcomes. Do yourself a favor, and read ahead to pause, breathe, and flourish! Check out more here
CONNECTEDD’S TAKE FIVE
Thought for the Day: “If we create a culture where every teacher needs to improve, not because they are not good enough but because they can do even better, there is no limit to what we can achieve.” Dylan Wiliam
Podcasts to Ponder: Rethinking Learning...Define Your WHY. Join Barbara Bray in conversations with inspirational educators, leaders, and difference-makers as they talk about their passion, purpose, and their journey to define their WHY. Learn more here
Videos Worth Viewing: Leadership Quotes. Great leadership quotes from a wide array of accomplished people. Linked Here
Teaching Technique to Try: Big Paper: A virtual Big Paper can be used to help students explore a topic in-depth, slow down their thinking, and focus on the views of others. In a virtual Big Paper discussion, students respond to a stimulus, such as an interview audio clip or historical document, using a collaborative digital-tool (such as a GoogleDoc, Google Jamboard, Padlet, or VoiceThread). Check out this link from Facing History and Ourselves for a step-by-step process for using this technique.
Eyes On Culture: We believe that culture is a true difference maker in any classroom, school, district, or organization. As a result, we focus much of the work we do on creating and maintaining positive and productive cultures. Culture Focus: Credibility. One of the most important ways we maintain trust with the students or staff members we serve is by maintaining our credibility. The most fundamental way we maintain our credibility is simply this: By doing what we say we are going to do. When teachers or administrators say one thing, but do not follow through on these words with actions, it destroys their credibility and negatively impacts the culture of the classroom, school, or district they are leading. What are some other ways to establish credibility as an educator?
Please share your thoughts via Twitter: @ConnectEDDBooks We would love to hear from you!