CONNECTIONS: Stop Making Assumptions
“Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”
Don Miguel Ruiz
It was a humbling--if not humiliating--moment. I was listening to one end of a phone conversation between two of my best friends and two of the most passionate educators I know. I heard one friend consoling the other friend and letting her know it was fine that she was going to have to back out of a commitment she had made to us. I became visibly agitated and even started making comments to my friend while he was still speaking with her that he should insist she honor her commitment. My friend, clearly agitated with me, waved away my comments and finished his conversation. When he hung up, he turned to me and said, “Would you please stop making assumptions?”
He then explained why our mutual friend was calling to cancel her commitment to us. Her reason for canceling, of course, was not a small matter and something about which she had agonized over. When I learned the other side of the story, I frankly wanted to crawl under a rock and hide. I had assumed the worst about someone. To make matters even more egregious, the person I assumed the worst about was someone who I like and respect a great deal, yet I still assumed I knew what she was saying on the other end of the phone and why she was doing what she was doing. I based my assumptions on limited information after listening to one side of a conversation. When I learned the truth about this situation, I was embarrassed and filled with remorse. How could I have assumed this about someone I consider a friend?
Too often, we have been guilty of making assumptions instead of truly trying to understand another person’s motives, perspectives, and actions. We need to get better at this and stop making assumptions. In education, we suspect that others may fall prey to this trap as well. We are so busy and stressed that we simply begin making assumptions about why people act the way they do, whether it is about a student who misbehaves, a parent who gets upset with us, or a colleague who lets us down in some way. One of the best things we can do in any such situation is to stop making assumptions about why the person did what they did. Of course, another way we can approach such situations is to go ahead and make an assumption, but only if that is to assume the best about the other person. Maybe we can assume that the student wants to please us and is trying to find a way to let us know she needs our help. Maybe the parent has been working two jobs to make ends meet and wants the very best for his child. Perhaps the colleague we are upset with really respects us and wants to help, but is unsure about his own capabilities and is afraid he will let us down.
We can never know everything there is to know about ourselves, let alone others. One thing we can do, however, to know others better is to stop making assumptions about them or, when we do, to assume the best about them. Jumping to conclusions never helps anyone or any situation and only increases the likelihood that misunderstandings, sadness, and drama will occur among us. Making assumptions is bad enough in our daily personal lives, but when we do so in our schools and classrooms--especially when interacting with the students we serve--we are failing in a critically important arena that can have long-lasting repercussions.
Let’s stop making assumptions based on limited information. When we must make an assumption, let’s assume the best--about our students, our parents, and each other. We make many unintentional mistakes on a daily basis, and we certainly hope others will give us the benefit of the doubt and assume our intentions are good, even when our words or actions fall short of our expectations. We, in turn, need to do the same. Making assumptions based on limited information is something we need to stop doing in education. As Ruiz suggests in the quote above, when we agree to stop making assumptions, it can completely transform our lives. It can also help those with whom we interact. Assuming the best of others and not making the assumption that we know why people are acting the way they are is another way we create a positive and productive culture in our schools
Thanks to all educators reading this for the amazing work you are doing during these challenging times. As always, Teach and Lead with Passion...
Jeff and Jimmy
DAILY INSPIRATION EDUCATOR
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COMING SOON (Expected by April1 on Amazon and on our website):
Handle with Care: Managing Difficult Situations in Schools with Dignity and Respect by Jimmy Casas and Joy Kelly
We are so excited to announce that our newest book will be in print soon! In Handle with Care, authors Jimmy Casas and Joy Kelly examine a variety of difficult school-related situations, both in and out of the classroom.In schools across the country, educators at every level are faced with delicate, challenging situations that require leadership skills and insights in order to produce favorable outcomes for students and staff. This book provides educators with insights into a variety of difficult-to-handle situations and scenarios that educators can relate to and may have experienced themselves. Well-intentioned, but inadequate, human responses are identified and practical ideas for handling delicate situations with dignity and respect are provided. This book will help educators develop tools and techniques to help students and staff emerge from missteps more self-aware, feeling valued, and able to move forward.
In this book, you will learn:
What it takes to cultivate a school culture in which every student and staff member feels seen and heard.
How to treat student and staff missteps as opportunities for teaching and learning based on dignity and respect.
How to build leadership capacity and culturize school pride.
The value of student-centered classrooms and school-related programs.
Look for this book to be in stock on Amazon and at connected.org on or before April1!
FEATURED BOOK
L.E.A.R.N.E.R. Finding the True, Good, and Beautiful in Education by Marita Diffenbaugh
We are so excited to announce that our most recent book is now in print! This book is for hope givers who thrive when helping others develop their full potential. Marita Diffenbaugh identifies seven essential components to consider when providing education as a service to learners, along with a remix for measuring learning success. Throughout each chapter, look for the True, Good, and Beautiful, for when all three of these are present, we can be sure that students are learning how to learn, learning how to help others, and learning how to contribute in their communities and in our world. This book was written for difference makers like you who strive to create an education service that Listens, Empowers, Analyzes, provides Resources, understands students' Needs, designs Experiences, and offers caring Relationships.
We think you will really enjoy this book; let us know! Check out more here
CONNECTEDD’S TAKEAWAYS
Thought for the Day: “In teaching, you cannot see the fruit of a day’s work. It is invisible and remains so, maybe for twenty years.” Jacques Barzun
Teaching Technique to Try: Contracting: Contracting is the process of openly discussing with your students expectations about how classroom members will treat each other. It is an effective strategy for making your classroom a reflective community. Reflective classroom communities are places where explicit rules and implicit norms protect everyone’s right to speak; where differing perspectives can be heard and valued; where members take responsibility for themselves, each other, and the group as a whole; and where each member has a stake and a voice in collective decisions. These type of classroom communities are usually created through deliberate nurturing from students and teachers who have shared expectations about how classroom members will treat each other. Check out this link from Facing History and Ourselves for a step-by-step process for using this technique.
Eyes On Culture: We believe that culture is a true difference maker in any classroom, school, district, or organization. As a result, we focus much of the work we do on creating and maintaining positive and productive cultures. Culture Focus: Credibility. In high performing schools with strong cultures, all adults serving within the school establish credibility--with the students they serve and with those students’ families and also with each other. One of the most simple--yet most important--ways they establish individual and collective credibility is by doing what they say they are going to do. An important step to establishing credibility is really that simple. Yet, we often experience educators in all roles not adhering to this seemingly simple commitment. As is almost always the case, things that seem simple can actually become quite difficult, but in our schools, we must adopt and enact this mantra of doing what we say we are going to do. It may mean having a tough conversation with someone or following through with a difficult parent to ensure a child has what they need to succeed. It may mean addressing underperformance of a student or staff member or making sure we are interacting with students in the cafeteria and hallways every day, like we said we would. The very best schools we know are staffed with credible adults, people who consistently do everything they say they are going to do.
Please share your thoughts about culture via Twitter: @ConnectEDDBooks We would love to hear from you!