CONNECTIONS: Power Struggles
(Our newsletter post this week comes from our newest authors, Erika Bare and Tiffany Burns. Learn more about their new release below!)
Spring has sprung, and our students' unexpected behaviors are growing right along with the flowers. This time of year, even a quick redirection in class can result in an invitation to a power struggle. This can rattle the most veteran educators. We’ve all heard that to avoid power struggles, don’t engage in them in the first place. That sounds easy enough, right? Well, yes and no. Knowing that we are supposed to avoid power struggles is one thing, but knowing how is another thing altogether. We have provided just a few of the “how to” tips that we talk about in our book, Connecting Through Conversation: A Playbook for Talking with Students, that educators can apply when student behaviors start to bloom.
Let’s think about an elementary student on the playground who is upset about a situation that occurred with a friend. They run away from the group and climb a tree. The educator is now faced with a pretty high-stakes power struggle.
Questions & Requests: Be aware of how you make requests and frame expectations. If it’s not a request, don’t ask a question. In this situation, the student is doing something unsafe so it is not the time for a request. Instead of saying, “Can you please come down from there?” try: “You need to come out of the tree.” This makes it clear to the student that the expectations are not up for debate or discussion.
Offer Choices: Look for opportunities to offer choices. Most people really appreciate having a choice in what they are doing. You might say to the student, “You need to get down from that branch. Do you want to get down by yourself, or would you like me to help you?” By offering two choices that are equally acceptable to you, you offer the student some agency. When kids feel they have some element of control in a situation, it increases the likelihood they will follow your direction.
I Wish: A helpful response when a student is refusing to do what is asked is to let the student know that you wish they could get or do what they wanted. This lets them know that you understand where they are coming from, which in turn, strengthens your connection. In this example, you might say, “I wish we could climb trees at school. I sure loved climbing when I was a kid. Unfortunately, it’s not safe so you’ll need to come down now.”
These strategies don’t just work for younger students; they can be helpful with older students, as well. Although the language is a bit different, the same type of approach can be utilized to avoid power struggles with bigger kids too.
Let’s say you are teaching a high school class. After reminding students that phones are to be out of sight during independent work time, a student makes a show of pulling theirs out and putting them front and center on their desk. They are clearly inviting you to a power struggle.
Questions & Requests: In this situation, don’t ask the student if they want to put their phone away. We can all guess what their response might likely be. Try saying, “Phones need to be out of sight during our class. Tuck that away please.” This makes the expectation clear, without leaving room for debate.
Offer Choices: If the student doesn’t immediately comply, we recommend offering two choices that work for you. Try kneeling by their desk and saying, “I am going to enter attendance. While I am doing that, you can either put your phone in your pocket or your backpack.” Then leave the student to make their choice, and go take attendance. These choices give a bit of independence, and by walking away temporarily, you allow the student an opportunity to save face.
I Wish: You can also try empathizing with the student by saying, “I wish you could have your phone out. It would be fun for us all to play Wordle. However, right now, we have class and the school rule is no phones during independent work time.” The wish statement helps create a connection. It also provides an opportunity for the student to gain some control over the situation, which may be just enough for them to follow your expectation.
Anyone who talks with kids has found themselves presented with the opportunity for a power struggle. In order to maintain connected relationships and curb unexpected behaviors, educators should do all they can to avoid engaging in these mini-battles. We hope you will read more about this, and access the additional strategies and techniques provided in our book Connecting Through Conversation: A Playbook for Talking With Students and on our website: connectingthroughconversation.com.
It’s helpful for us to remember that we did not get into education to compete with students. We got into it because we love kids, and want to support them in being the best version of themselves. We hope these strategies make it possible for you to appreciate the beauty of spring, while effectively dodging these behaviors.
Thanks to our authors, Erika and Tiffany for this, and thanks to all educators reading this and for the amazing work you are doing during these challenging times.
As always, Teach and Lead with Passion...
DAILY INSPIRATION EDUCATOR
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NEW RELEASE!
Connecting Through Conversation: A Playbook for Talking with Students by Erika Bare and Tiffany Burns
Connecting Through Conversation: A Playbook for Talking with Students is a must-read for all educators. The practical and easy-to-implement tools, strategies, and templates will create a culture of connection in our schools. Readers will be inspired and equipped with immediately applicable moves to build connected relationships for learning, avoid power struggles, and apply communication as a universal support for all students in kindergarten through twelfth grade.
Bare and Burns draw on more than forty years of combined experience, stories from the field, and a good dose of humor to share a student-centered approach that can help transform behavior. The conversational tone, accessible table of contents, CTC Tips, and Connected Takeaways summarizing each chapter make this an ideal tool for book studies, professional development, and growing together as an educational community.
Readers will find themselves returning to the tools in this playbook again and again as they embark on the daily adventure of talking with students.
Readers, at any point in their educational career, will appreciate the clear “how to” guide for responding to common student moves, helping them catch our calm, and building connected communities of support by effectively closing the communication loop with both caregivers and colleagues.
The authors’ love of students and admiration for educators comes through on every page. They share a framework for connecting through conversation that is student-centered, trauma-informed, culturally responsive, rooted in equity, and founded in care for kids while honoring the educators who serve them.
This book is essential for anyone who loves and talks with students.
Connecting Through Conversation is available now on our website.
FEATURED BOOK!
Handle with Care: Managing Difficult Situations in Schools with Dignity and Respect by Jimmy Casas and Joy Kelly
In Handle with Care, authors Jimmy Casas and Joy Kelly examine a variety of difficult school-related situations, both in and out of the classroom. In schools across the country, educators at every level are faced with delicate, challenging situations that require leadership skills and insights in order to produce favorable outcomes for students and staff. This book provides educators with insights into a variety of difficult-to-handle situations and scenarios that educators can relate to and may have experienced themselves. Well-intentioned, but inadequate, human responses are identified and practical ideas for handling delicate situations with dignity and respect are provided. This book will help educators develop tools and techniques to help students and staff emerge from missteps more self-aware, feel valued, and be able to move forward.
In this book, you will learn:
What it takes to cultivate a school culture in which every student and staff member feels seen and heard.
How to treat student and staff missteps as opportunities for teaching and learning based on dignity and respect.
How to build leadership capacity and culturize school pride.
The value of student-centered classrooms and school-related programs.
CONNECTEDD’S TAKEAWAYS:
Thought for the Day: “It is important that we see the potential in every student. It is vital they see it within themselves.” via @charleswgardner
Teaching Technique to Try: Notable Quotable: This routine invites students to consider a meaningful, inspirational, or thought-provoking quotation. Depending on the quotation you choose, you can use this routine for lighthearted community building or, more seriously, to invite students to share their perspectives on important topics and ideas. When you choose quotations that resonate with students and are relevant to their lives, you demonstrate that you care about their identities and interests. Check out this link from Facing History and Ourselves for more.
Eyes On Culture: We believe that culture is a true difference-maker in any classroom, school, district, or organization. As a result, we focus much of the work we do on creating and maintaining positive and productive cultures. Culture Focus: Hope. High-performing schools with strong cultures are places of hope. All adults in the building act as “hope givers” to the students they serve. Principals, in turn, are hope givers to teachers and vice versa. Teachers offer hope to each other. As Jimmy Casas says in his bestselling book Culturize, in schools with excellent cultures, all members of the school community strive to become Merchants of Hope, ensuring that everyone has the opportunity to be part of something great. How do we begin to craft a culture of hope in our professional settings? Often, hope givers begin by adhering to a favorite acronym we often see used for H.O.P.E. - Hearing Other People’s Experiences. In order to create a culture of hope, we must be intentional about serving as empathetic educators, seeking to understand our students and each other and working together to become all we can be. Schools with excellent cultures are staffed with adults who make the time to truly listen to the students with whom they interact, listening to their past experiences and then opening their eyes to future possibilities, which leads us to our other favorite H.O.P.E. acronym -Help Open People’s Eyes. As educators, we have an immense influence on the students around us and can inspire them to become the best version of themselves, achieving dreams and goals that even they may think are beyond their grasp.
Why is Hope so important? What are some ways we can intentionally instill hope among those we serve and those with whom we serve? Join the conversation by sharing your thoughts on social media using the #CraftingTheCulture hashtag and tagging us on Twitter @ConnectEDDBooks We would love to hear from you!